My Sweet Angel, Chloe 2000-2017

by Britney

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On Halloween, my precious kitty Chloe took her last breath. It was one of the hardest days of my life so far. Just last week I was driving in my car and I was thinking about how she was getting older. I started to cry because I thought I might only have a year left with her, at the most. Little did I know that I would only have a week.

It all started on Sunday evening when Chloe did not want to eat for some reason. I found it odd, but I just figured maybe she didn’t feel good and wasn’t hungry. I also noticed that while she was trying to clean herself, she just completely fell over onto her side.

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On Monday, while I was getting ready for work, I just knew that something was wrong with her. Her legs were kind of wobbly and she had some trouble getting around. She also hadn’t meowed in a while, and that’s unusual because she’s a very talkative and vocal cat. I was worried, but I had to rush out the door to go to work. I texted my mom and told her that I thought something was wrong. I told her to text me when she got home and keep me updated on how Chloe was doing. She told me that she still would not eat, so now I was really getting concerned. It had been a day and a half since she last ate anything.

When I finally got home from work, my mom said to me, “I hate to break this to you, but I think Chloe might be dying.” I instantly burst into tears and said, “I don’t want her to die!” I went into my room and walked over to my bean bag chair where she was laying. I bent down, still crying, and just started petting her and telling her how much I loved her. She looked at me with half open eyes, and she just looked so tired and defeated. We decided we were going to take her to the vet first thing in the morning.

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I was awake all Monday night (except for about an hour that I dozed off). I didn’t want to sleep because I wanted to spend as much time with my sweet girl as I could. I knew in my heart that when we took her to the vet the next morning that we were going to have to leave without her.

My mom called the vet on Tuesday morning, the very minute that they opened. She told them that she thought Chloe was dying and needed to be brought in. They told us to bring Chloe in 45 minutes. Chloe was still laying in my bean bag. We could see that she was trying to get up but couldn’t. She had really went downhill fast. I picked her up and carried her to the litter box. She was able to get in and pee, and then I carried her to the water bowl. She got something to drink, and then I put her in her carrier.

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Just a month and a half ago.

At the vet, they took her weight, which was 4.9 pounds. They also took her temperature, and she did not like that one bit. She let out this howl, which is the first time I heard a noise from her in two days. I can’t say I blame her though. I wouldn’t want anything stuck up my butt either. The veterinarian looked at her eyes and was feeling around her body. Then she said the dreaded words, “She has a tumor.”

I began to cry because I knew that was a death sentence. I also felt guilty because I had felt an odd bump on her belly at least several weeks prior to this, but I thought maybe it was just a ball of matted fur. With Chloe being a long-haired cat, it was pretty common for her hair to get matted in places. They took her to do an x-ray and then brought her back in the room. “She does have cancer”, she said. They put the x-ray up on the screen and you could see how big the tumor was inside of her belly. It had grown to the point where it was now pressing up against her intestines, which is why she was no longer eating. “She’s very sick”, she said, and then began talking about euthanizing. I knew beforehand that this is what would happen and tried to prepare myself the best I could. It was still really hard to know that it really was happening now though. She said that if I chose not to euthanize, Chloe would likely die on her own in a few days. She could no longer eat and could barely move on her own. She just looked miserable, and I knew it was what I had to do. It was time to let her go.

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Shortly before she was put to sleep.

I had to sign some papers, and then they took her into another room to put her catheter in, and then brought her back wrapped up in a blanket. They handed her to me, and I held her like a baby. They explained that sometimes when death occurs, some urine and/or feces might be released from the body, so that’s why they put the blanket there. She was just laying there in my arms, with her beautiful blue eyes staring widely. I just told her that she was okay and that I loved her so much. They put the medicine in the IV, and I was crying but trying to remain as calm as I could. The whole thing only took about 15 seconds. Right after it was administered, she checked Chloe and there was no heartbeat. She was gone. Her eyes were still open because they do not close during this, but she just looked so peaceful there in my arms. I knew her pain was gone.

They gave us a few minutes alone with her. Even though I knew she was gone, I was still rubbing her and looking at her gorgeous eyes. They came back in and asked if I was ready for them to take her. I said yes, and as I handed her to the nurse, her neck kind of dangled down. I just couldn’t believe she was now lifeless, but I had to accept it. I made arrangements to have her cremated, so I should have her ashes back within a week or two they said.

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Chloe’s last night at home.

As soon as I got home, I called off work. All of my co-workers were very understanding. I was a complete wreck! I cried the entire day. I would have short intervals of 10-20 minutes where I would be calm, and then I would get hysterical and start crying again. My eyes became so swollen that it hurt, and I had to put some ice on them to help with the swelling. I couldn’t really find enjoyment in anything, even TV shows and movies I usually enjoy. I would just get irritated with it and shut it off. I was in bed most of the day not doing anything except crying and looking at my phone here and there. I was so distraught that I was in physical pain also. It’s hard to describe, but I had this weird pain in my chest area. I guess that’s why they call it a broken heart. I couldn’t stand the pain any longer, so I took some Nyquil to help me sleep. I was out like a light. I slept pretty good until I got woken up by cold sweats. It’s not uncommon for me to get them, and I absolutely hate it. I was freezing cold, and my body, hair, pillow, and blankets were all wet with sweat. It’s extremely uncomfortable trying to sleep in dampness, but I was still a little groggy from the medicine. I fell back asleep and then I managed to sleep through my alarm for a while.

I was worried about going back to work on Wednesday because of how upset I was and I didn’t know if I would be able to do my job okay. Somehow, my mind just switched into work mode and I made it through the whole work day without crying. Not because I didn’t miss her, but it was like my mind realized that I still need to live my life and do what I need to do.

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Cameron laying with Chloe on her last night.

The hardest thing for me is walking into my room and seeing an empty bean bag chair since she was always curled up in a ball in it. My other cat, Cameron, has been laying in it now, but it’s not the same. I also miss her climbing up onto my lap while I was on the computer, and I miss hearing her beautiful voice. She had the most beautiful face, and I will miss her staring at me with her big blue eyes. I also used to let her go out on the porch with me (without a leash), and she just loved soaking up the sun. She was so well behaved. Sometimes she would try to sneak down the steps, but I would tell her to get back up here, and she would listen. I’m really going to miss that.

I’m starting to accept the fact that she’s truly gone and that life goes on, but I’m still going to miss her like crazy, and no other cat can ever replicate her. She was truly one of a kind.

 

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72 thoughts on “My Sweet Angel, Chloe 2000-2017”

  3. I knew as soon as I clicked on this that I’d probably cry because I love animals so so much and I did. It was such an emotional post and I can imagine how hard it was for you to write it. I hope everything is okay my love x

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  5. I’m so extremely sorry! I know how you feel. My pup is getting her leg amputated today due to having cancer. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I am so so so sorry. I wish I could say something other than sorry. 😞❤️

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  7. I was crying reading this as well. I’m so sorry for your pain, but I nor anyone can say anything to abate it. I had to put three of my kitties down in the space of one year. It’s the most heartwrenching thing anyone has to do. I sometimes question my choice about putting them down, but in the end, I know it was right. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  11. Awww Britney I’m so sorry!! I went through a similar experience with our cat two years ago. He was also very sick with a tumor – we had one of them removed but it came back. He was also a long haired cat, and in his final days his fur was so matted because he couldn’t take care of himself right anymore. He was about 15 years old.
    At least she’s not in pain anymore, and that’s what you have to focus on! She was a very beautiful cat, it’ll just take some time. We always wish we could do more but it sounds like she lived a very full life! 💜

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    1. They said it was too late to try to remove her tumor. It’s so crazy how she acted normal until the last two days of her life. I’m glad she was still able to function and didn’t suffer too long.

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  12. Oh my gosh Britney I’m so sorry to hear this. Literally cried as I read this. Chloe really was a beautiful kitty! Take care of yourself and don’t beat yourself up over the tumor. You couldn’t have known, like you said, it felt like a matted fur ball. You definitely did the best you could for her before she had to go. And it sounds like she loved you a ton!! ❤

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  14. So sorry to read this. My last dog, a long-haired dachshund, was with us for fourteen years, until arthritis was so bad that she was put down. Your pain must have been horrible, though it will not last. You are on a good path to healing. ❤

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  15. I’m so sorry to read this, I can relate to the earth-shattering loss of a loved family member – at least we know she’s in a better place now. Sending lots of love and good vibes your way xx

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  16. I’m so sorry you both went through that. Please don’t beat yourself up for not noticing, sometimes things happen and we just don’t have any control over them. I know you gave her the best life you could and she’s in a better place now, but her memories will live with you forever. Take care and take all the time you need to heal. Sending lots of love your way 💕

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  19. I am a cat mama myself and I read this with tears streaming down my face. I can’t imagine what you’ve just gone through and I’m so terribly sorry… thank you for sharing your sorry and know that she is in kitty heaven xx Stay strong xx

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  22. Britney, it’s definitely difficult to find the words to comfort you, at a time like this. I’ve been there twice, and it’s extremely difficult. People will always say, “A pet is just an animal”, but they’ll never understand unless they’ve ever had a pet of their own. A pet is a member of your family, a part of you. It hurts to lose them just as much as you can mourn the loss of a family member or friend. It does get easier, but does that emptiness ever go away? It never does. But, just know that her soul will always be with you, she’ll always be a part of you, and will always be watching over you. She’s your angel now. ❤

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  24. This article had me in tears. I’m so sorry you lost your girl Chloe. Pets are such special parts of our lives and they really do let us know what it’s like to be loved unconditionally. I can’t imagine how hard it’ll be when we have to say goodbye to our own kitty someday, but I hope that you’re able to find comfort after some time healing. We’re sending our thoughts your way.

    Susie and Ben | http://milehighdreamers.com

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  25. Britney, I am teary-eyed…for what it’s worth, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Chloe was lucky to have you and you did all the right things in the end. She was a beautiful cat and I know she’ll remember you in her next life. ❤️

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  28. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for your loss, Britney. Chloe looks like such a sweet and beautiful kitty. When my fiancé’s cat passed away on Oct 24th of last year, I cried a lot and ended up leaving work early (I thought I could handle it but turns out I couldn’t — everyone was very understanding). I hope you feel better soon. At least you have Cameron to hold and love dearly and the beanbag seat to remember Chloe by! ❤

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    1. Thank you, Michelle. I know we were both so blessed to have each other. She had two owners before she was a year old, and then I got her when she was a year and a half old. I’m glad I could give her a forever home.

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  32. I am so sorry Britney for your loss. I have been following you for a while on Instagram and have been able to follow your posts and photos with Chloe. After reading your blog, I could not wait to get home to hug my Aussie. Stay strong ❤️

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  36. It is comforting to read your story and understand that other people experience and go through the same thing. We all handle grief differently and when something happens suddenly it is more of a shock and in some ways harder than preparing yourself to say goodbye if there is an estimate of how long a pet has left to live. Chloe was a beautiful cat and by the sounds of it loved you very much. Stay strong lovely ❤

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    1. Thanks for reading. 🙂 I knew she was old, so I had already begun trying to mentally prepare in my head. However, it was still surprising how it all happened. I never even knew she was that sick until the same day she died. I’m getting along, but of course I miss and think about her every day.

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