It’s My Birthday

by Britney

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It almost seems a little surreal right now. For some reason it doesn’t seem like my birthday. I remember a time when I never wanted to live past 27 years old. Now I’ve made it through two more birthday’s. I am 29. I still can’t believe I’m so close to 30. I know everyone says that your 30’s are your best years yet, but I have a terrible fear of aging. I know I can’t be young and beautiful forever, and there’s a lot more to life than physical appearance. At least I still have one year of my 20’s left, although I know it will fly by super fast. Today is also bittersweet because it’s my kitty Chloe’s birthday as well. She would have been 17 years old. She almost made it. I think it’s amazing that we shared the same birthday. I wish she was still here with me.

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It’s also hard getting older and realizing yet another year has passed, while I’m still in the same phase of my life. Still single and living with my mother. It’s especially hard when people younger than me have surpassed me in my mind. Many of them married and/or have multiple kids. At this point I feel like I will never find someone I am compatible with that I can possibly start a family with. I know I could find someone if I really put effort into it, but my anxiety always defeats me when it comes to meeting new people. Not only that, but I honestly think I’m somewhere on the aromantic scale. It is not common for me to experience romantic attraction to another person. In fact, I’ve only really experienced that with one person. I’ve had two boyfriends in my life, and the second one I broke up with because it just felt more like a friendship to me.

Anyways, as I mentioned in my previous post, I had a movie night on Saturday. I didn’t feel like having a party like I usually do. I still enjoyed the movie night, so it worked out okay. My dad gave me money, like usual. Christina got me this awesome Ouija skull wall hanging, some Ouija nail decals, and a pretty pumpkin scarf. My aunt stopped by on Sunday with some Hershey kisses and makeup gifts. I felt bad because she’s in a bad place right now, with a lot of stress and money problems. I told her she didn’t have to get me anything, but she wanted to. My mom is supposed to take me out to eat, but she said that last year and never did, so I won’t hold my breath.

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61 thoughts on “It’s My Birthday”

  2. Happy birthday! 🎉🎈🎁🎊🎂
    I never thought I would live past 24 and here I am at 44. I would never have had my son either. You have to try to live for today and each day and not worry about what will or will not happen in the future. Have a great day!

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  4. Happy birthday lovely! You look beautiful on that first photo and I’m sure it’ll continue to be that way for many years to come. One thing I’ve learned in my short 23 years is to do my best not to compare my progress to others (I know that is extremely hard), but the world has sooo many people, I’m sure somewhere there’s a person turning 29 in the exact same spot as you and then it doesn’t seem so bad.

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    1. Thanks! I actually feel like my nose looks big in that photo, but I think it’s just the light. I always tend to post filtered photos, so I wanted to post one that was more raw and had no filter. I’m sure there are other people in my same spot, but sometimes it is a lonely feeling. I try not to dwell on it.

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  5. Happy Birthday 🎂🎉🎊 I know exactly how you feel. I just made 26 years old. I’m living with my parents and I see people I know surpass me with being in relationship and having kids, having their own place, and etc. My mom tells me not to compare myself with others but sometimes it’s bad habit I need to break because it’s only make my anxiety and negative thoughts worse. I try not to do it but I know I need to work on it more. So I completely understand what you through with that part.

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  6. Happy birthday dear 💕 i am very sorry for your cat and i hope one day you’ll surpass your anxiety and meet your soul mate. Don’t compare yourself to others because i am sure you’ve succeeded in many things, marriage is not everything! Good luck 💕

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  8. Happy birthday. It’s hard when you get closer to milestones like this. I spent much of my life single with no prospect of that ever changing. Then one day things changed. You can never see it coming, though. Comparing yourself with others, for all people will tell you never to do it, is something you can’t avoid. We all do it whether we like it or not. This can be a spur for us also, though. It encourages us to try to emulate what others have done or achieved. Without it, we might sit happily by and decompose over the years. Look at what you are doing, putting your thoughts out here for the whole world to see. That takes courage and strength beyond that which many have. Keep believing in yourself and things will happen when they’re meant to happen. All the relationships I missed out on when I was younger made me who I am today. If things had gone differently, I might never have met my wife or had our son. Celebrate every little victory you can, every time you get to a light before it changes to red, every time you find an empty checkout, every time you get an honest smile from someone you pass in the street, every time you do a good deed for someone, that’s another check in the win column of life. Every day, come to the end and write down three things that have made you happy. Think and think and think until you come up with them. After a month, look back at the 93 things that have made you smile. After a year it’ll be 1,116. A thousand things in the world that have made life wonderful. And they’re right. 30’s are cool. I’m currently in the next one up from that and it’s pretty good too, just in different ways. We constantly evolve into the new normal. When you look in the mirror, just try to see in yourself the things that don’t change: your smile, your eyes. Forget about the other stuff. My hairline keeps on retreating but I look into the same pair of eyes every morning when I brush my teeth. So can you. Good luck!

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  11. Happy Birthday!! You look gorgeous! Don’t belittle yourself by comparing yourself with others. All of us have strengths and weaknesses and different challenges in life. Know that you are more precious than diamonds. Don’t forget to celebrate your successes, no matter how small you think they are. 🙂

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  14. Happy birthday Britney ☺️ enjoy your day as best as you can! Treat yourself, do something you enjoy doing – it’s your day! I know it’s hard when you compare your place in life to others. I graduated college almost 2 years ago and I’m doing nothing with my degree right now, I’m still living at home, and I feel so far from my goals. Meanwhile, I have friends who are out on their own or accomplishing big things. One of my best friends is married and has a baby. It’s all so surreal to me. I think we reach this age where everyone starts moving in with their lives but we’re almost stuck in this no moving time zone. But… there is always hope. And there’s a chance to change your circumstances. You just do what’s best for you 💜 we’ll get there!

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  17. Happy Birthday!🎊 I struggle soooo hard with comparing myself to others. It’s my worst flaw. So I know how you feel. It’s hard to control and get over.

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  21. Happy Birthday! Whenever I think about getting old and frail, my skin crawls! I can’t help it haha. I guess a lot of us fear being so fragile and close to the end. Life is so great sometimes. I hope you had a wonderful birthday and I wish you many more healthy years!

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  23. Happy birthday, Britney! I don’t want to be 30, ever, either lol but you definitely are still young and beautiful. One day you’ll meet a man that makes you lose your breath, don’t worry. He’s working on himself so he’ll be ready for you when he meets you. ❤

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  27. Happy birthday 🎁🎈🎊🎂 Britney. Loved your photo of the cupcakes on Instagram. If you ever get the opportunity, place an order with Georgetown cupcakes. They are amazing!

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