It almost seems a little surreal right now. For some reason it doesn’t seem like my birthday. I remember a time when I never wanted to live past 27 years old. Now I’ve made it through two more birthday’s. I am 29. I still can’t believe I’m so close to 30. I know everyone says that your 30’s are your best years yet, but I have a terrible fear of aging. I know I can’t be young and beautiful forever, and there’s a lot more to life than physical appearance. At least I still have one year of my 20’s left, although I know it will fly by super fast. Today is also bittersweet because it’s my kitty Chloe’s birthday as well. She would have been 17 years old. She almost made it. I think it’s amazing that we shared the same birthday. I wish she was still here with me.
It’s also hard getting older and realizing yet another year has passed, while I’m still in the same phase of my life. Still single and living with my mother. It’s especially hard when people younger than me have surpassed me in my mind. Many of them married and/or have multiple kids. At this point I feel like I will never find someone I am compatible with that I can possibly start a family with. I know I could find someone if I really put effort into it, but my anxiety always defeats me when it comes to meeting new people. Not only that, but I honestly think I’m somewhere on the aromantic scale. It is not common for me to experience romantic attraction to another person. In fact, I’ve only really experienced that with one person. I’ve had two boyfriends in my life, and the second one I broke up with because it just felt more like a friendship to me.
Anyways, as I mentioned in my previous post, I had a movie night on Saturday. I didn’t feel like having a party like I usually do. I still enjoyed the movie night, so it worked out okay. My dad gave me money, like usual. Christina got me this awesome Ouija skull wall hanging, some Ouija nail decals, and a pretty pumpkin scarf. My aunt stopped by on Sunday with some Hershey kisses and makeup gifts. I felt bad because she’s in a bad place right now, with a lot of stress and money problems. I told her she didn’t have to get me anything, but she wanted to. My mom is supposed to take me out to eat, but she said that last year and never did, so I won’t hold my breath.